Slut - Woodruff Jettie - Страница 37
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I stormed out of the room and to my own when he tried again. I didn’t want him to touch me.
Ever again.
Nine
All I wanted to do was walk out that door and never look back. Take Rowan, Ophelia, and Vander far, far away from Paxton, away from the world. To a magical island like my mom had lied about. The one she said Izzy and I were born on, where peace surrounded us, and nobody could hurt us again. That’s what I cried myself to sleep with, thoughts of a better place. A place with no pain.
I woke to the alarm on my phone, hands searching amongst the covers for the shrill noise. My eyes remained closed while I shut it off, thinking about the time. Six-thirty. Paxton would be expecting his breakfast in thirty minutes. Fat chance of that happening. I rolled to my side and curled into a little ball, but sleep never returned. If he thought for one second I was about to get up and send him off to work with a healthy breakfast, he was crazier than me. I didn’t get up. I lay there and thought about what I had learned. It only made me want to know the rest of the story, yet it didn’t. I should have let it go. I should have told Mi no.
The sudden urge to cry took over when I felt the ache in my chest. My hands fisted the sheets as I rolled to my stomach, burying my face into my pillow, crying like a wounded bird. The sound of my whimper echoed through the quiet room as the pain moved to the pit of my stomach. It felt hurt like nothing I’d ever felt before. My broken body, a brain injury, and a loss of memory didn’t even hurt like that. I was devastated.
Rage instantly took over all the agony when I felt his hand rub my back and his voice softly speak my name. “Gabriella?”
My bare feet hit cool hardwood in a split second. “Don’t say my name like that. Don’t say my name period.”
“I don’t know how to fix this.”
“You never cared about me. Ever. Where’s Rowan’s mom? Why isn’t she in her life?”
“I’ll tell you everything you want to know. I can’t lose you, Gabriella.”
The bed kept me from ripping his face clean off his head. “You already lost me. Where is she?”
“Texas.”
“Why?”
Paxton shrugged his shoulder and replied with a stupid answer. “She lives there.”
Words spewed from my mouth as quick as the tears ran down my cheeks. “Fuck you, Paxton. Tell me. Tell me why she doesn’t see Rowan. Tell me why she just walked out of her life like that. Stop with all the fucking lies. Tell me.”
His eyes left mine and moved to the floor, but not one explanation came out of his mouth. Not even a lie.
“You wouldn’t let her, would you? You kept her from seeing Rowan. Didn’t you, Paxton? Is that how it was? You walked all over her too, didn’t you? Only she sacrificed her only child to get away from your controlling ass. Is that how it was Paxton? She left you, so you punished her with Rowan?”
Still no words, but the truth is, I didn’t need them. The silence was enough, and I knew that I was right. Rowan’s mom got the hell away from him. The smart one. That’s what she was. I was the idiot, the stupid little fish, feeding off his hook, the one who spent the last six years of my life in hell with a man who had his own mommy and daddy issues. Ones that I would never know about, because he would lie.
“Go to work, Paxton. I don’t want to see your face.”
“What do you want, Gabriella? What do you want me to do?”
“Nothing. Not one fucking thing. Leave.”
I turned to the ocean and the glass door, to the dark sky, away from him and his stupid sad face. Facade. That’s what it was. An act. Paxton could have been the star of my new Lifetime movie. He was great at it. Oscar worthy. My eyes closed with the click of the door, and I willed myself to stop crying. It wasn’t even like I should have been surprised. I mean the guy finger banged me while I was in ICU. Why I thought it was ever different was beyond me, and stupid. Paxton didn’t change, I did.
Two beeps and a blink from the keypad beside my door guaranteed that he had left, setting the alarm on his way out. I walked out, hearing the garage door and then his truck. His anger showed in his tail lights and then the roar of his engine. Paxton revved the motor and squealed tires until I couldn’t see him, his truck fish tailing down the lane.
“That’s nice idiot. Go kill yourself. That’ll make it all better,” I audibly spoke, watching while he peeled out of the driveway, acting like the two-year-old that he was.
I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself. I had so much to think about, so much to figure out, yet they all mixed in one spinning cycle. I didn’t know where to start. I spun in circles, focusing on one major detail after another, never stopping on one. Regardless of how much I hated Paxton, regardless of what happened to Izzy, regardless of what I did with Lane, I had to think about Vander. He had to take precedence over it all.
With a new sense of direction, I heated water for tea. That was my plan, and I intended to tell Paxton so myself. He could like it or not, I didn’t much care. I’d gotten this far by myself, I could keep going. I didn’t need him. I didn’t need him for anything. Not one.
I spent my day doing normal everyday tasks, washed a load of towels, mopped the kitchen, floated in the pool with the girls, took them to dance, and then met Mi for lunch. Chuckie Cheese kept Rowan and Phi busy while I told Mi everything. Every last detail.
“He’s never loved me, Mi. I was never anything more than a toy to him. Why did I marry him? God! Why was I so stupid? You should have seen him. I actually stopped the video at first because he was so ready to attack. I was terrified that I was going to see something that nailed me to a cross, that said what a bad person I was, but I didn’t. I went to Lane for help because he was a phycologist. Because I wanted to please my husband and I couldn’t. You know the part that really hurts, Mi? He kept saying it, trying to get Lane to join him. Lane tried to tell him that he didn’t want to, but Paxton kept it up, telling him how much he was missing out, until he finally did. I’m so mad at him right now,” I explained to Mi while she listened with big eyes and no words.
“Don’t say it like Lane didn’t have a choice. I mean he could have walked away like a decent human being. He’s just as guilty as Paxton. Stop selling yourself so short. If you don’t respect yourself, nobody else will either. Lane’s a douche. What about Vander? What next?”
I sipped lemon water through my straw and turned to Rowan, yelling for me to watch her do a backward flip into the ball pit. I gasped and tried to tell her no, but she did it anyway. “Good job, but don’t you do that again. That’s not very safe,” I scolded while my heart settled and I turned back to Mi. “Someone is coming to our house from the state on Monday. I don’t know what happens after that, but Paxton was sure we’d get him. We just have to go through the red tape first.”
“And then what? Are you going to stay with him? You know you own half of everything, right? Half the house, the money, the business?” Mi questioned while feeding me options.
I chuckled and looked to the girls, both laughing, living in their happy little moments. “We’re talking about Paxton Pierce. I’m sure I signed a prenuptial.”
“Not technically. I mean you are still really Izzy, and a simple blood test can prove that. He would have to pay you child support, but you wouldn’t have to go through all the divorce stuff. He can’t prove that he married you, but you can prove that he fathered your child.”
“That would blow his top. I can see it now.”
Mi turned to the weird alarm on her phone and stood. “So? Blow it. I gotta get back to the hospital. Babies never care about my lunch. They think they can just show up anytime they want. Message me later and let me know if you want the next one.”
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