I Want It That Way - Aguirre Ann - Страница 61

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Without looking at us, Ty took a deep breath and lit the fuse, then he planted the bottle rocket in the ground. When it shot upward in an arc of spitting orange light, Sam’s eyes widened. It exploded overhead in a crackle of light, and bits of charred paper fluttered down like Christmas in July. Deep in my heart, I hoped that maybe Diana felt it, somehow, and she knew she was truly free.

No regrets.

Watching the scraps of paper drift to earth, I thought about Max. Connections were everywhere, binding people together. If not for him writing about Lauren, I never would’ve written down how I felt about Ty, never would’ve shown him my soul, scribbled out in ink. And Ty would never have purged Diana from his conscience. Someday, he might even think of her without ugliness being the first thing on his mind.

I glanced over at Lauren and started because she was resting, ever so slightly, against my brother. He reached for her instinctively when she leaned in, his arm possessive around her shoulders. I had a hundred questions, and as if she sensed me staring, she glanced over. Her eyes widened, but I just smiled. Whatever that was, she’d tell me when she felt ready.

Lauren smiled back and mouthed, Thank you.

On the other side, my parents were curled up together, waiting for the fireworks. It was impossible for me to imagine anything more wonderful, but then, Ty came back. He wrapped an arm about me; and in that instant, the heavens cracked open in cascades of wonder, brightness blazing in kaleidoscopic shapes that made Sam bounce with excitement. Beneath the booms and pops of each new formation, I rested my head against Ty’s shoulder.

“I love you.”

I didn’t realize I’d said it out loud until Ty whispered the words back to me. He kissed my cheek and then Sam’s head, touching us as if we were all he needed in the world, his sun and stars sharing a quilt with him. Contentment radiated from him in a way I’d never known—and my heart burst with fireworks, spilling colors like the sky.

I guess you’ve figured it out by now; I tricked you. There is, in fact, a happy ending. But if you’d known that my story became our story because I made a choice, would you have read until the end? People are fascinated by dark things, broken things, damaged things. You wanted to learn the exact moment it splintered apart, but would you have been as interested in watching me put the pieces back together, if you’d known? I wonder.

Because what I said before about the telling of stories, his and hers, and the unspoken question about staying together? That’s the real choice. And it’s a battle, every single day, to make the center hold. When I chose this, I didn’t expect it to be easy. It’s a battle I’m determined to win, and the prize is Ty’s love.

A year after meeting him, I moved into the apartment downstairs.

If anyone had told me, before, that I’d weigh my options and decide to become a mom at twenty-two, I wouldn’t have believed them. Occasionally it sucks, especially when Sam wakes us early, but then he’s rolling around and I’m tickling him, and he’s smiling so damn bright. The other day he called me Momiya, and it made me so happy, I almost cried. Ty doesn’t look so tired anymore; he doesn’t even call himself a grumpy asshole these days. Because I’m here, shouldering half the weight.

It’s worth it because I’m part of their lives, every morning and every night, every Sunday afternoon in the park, pushing Sam on the swings. I make hot dog casserole, read Goodnight Moon and play trucks before bed, even when I have projects of my own. Because I’m one of two people in the world who makes Sam’s face light up like a sunbeam, and I cherish that, even when I’m exhausted. Even then.

Like Ty, I work full-time, taking classes at night. I’ll achieve my dreams. In time. My dad’s still out there, trying to beat the odds. So am I. Life is messy and unpredictable; sometimes it’s a punch in the gut, and sometimes it’s so beautiful, it brings tears to my eyes. Life isn’t a fairy tale. It’s work, sand in your shoes and a sick kid at five in the morning. Sometimes you meet your partner too soon, but love persuades you to leap, trusting that he’ll catch you. Life is real and it’s right now. Life is fireflies in your palm, gleaming gold, and then setting them free. In the best moments, life is fireworks. Sometimes life is having the rug pulled out from under you and the one you love helping you up. But most of all, life is what happens when you open the door and let beauty in, even if it doesn’t fit according to your plans.

And my life? Is the one I’ve built with Ty and Sam. Us, together? Yep. I want it that way.

* * * * *

I stood just inside my patio doors, head resting against the glass. Sam had been more wound up than usual tonight, excited about starting school, and it took six stories to get him to sleep. If I had any common sense, I’d haul my ass to the drafting table instead of going outside to torture myself with a gorgeous girl I couldn’t have.

Ignoring the voice of reason, I stepped outside and stared up at her balcony. Before, she’d said she was avoiding me, which explained all the nights I’d spent waiting that she never showed. Nadia had me so tangled up, it was nuts. I was thinking about going back inside when she joined me. From this angle, she reminded me of Juliet, forever out of Romeo’s reach, and I shut down the urge to quote Shakespeare. Her smile was so fucking bright that my breath hitched. While I struggled to be casual, she lowered a basket to me.

“What’s this?” I asked, catching it instinctively.

“My mom sent treats. I’m sharing them, so we’ll both have delicious things.”

Surprise and pleasure warred for the upper hand, and the latter won by KO. I smiled as I unloaded the basket, taking stock. “Let me heat some water. I could use a cup of tea.”

“Sure.”

Quickly I went inside and popped a mug in the microwave. I almost spilled it coming back out, like she’d disappear if left unattended for two minutes. Nadia made me feel so unsure of...everything. Until she crashed into my life, the routine never deviated. Now instinct had a hold of me, pushing me out of my comfort zone. I opened the sliding glass doors and carried my drink over to the wicker sofa, where I’d set the treats.

“Back.” I flopped down, angling my head so I could see her. The darkness made it impossible to discern her features, but it was enough to know she wanted to sit out here with me. God only knows why. This was such a bad idea, a conclusion she’d come to herself, if she knew how much of an asshole I really was.

“Cookie first,” she ordered.

Gingersnaps didn’t usually do it for me, but their sharp sweetness and the heat on my tongue made me wonder if this was how Nadia tasted. She does now. I licked the crumbs from my fingers, aching. Her legs were fucking incredible, and one long look from those sea-blue eyes, and I had a hard time remembering what the hell I meant to say. For a few seconds, I pictured kissing her hard, shoving her up against my bedroom door— Right. Cookies.

“Phenomenal,” I managed.

She didn’t seem to glean anything from my tone, thank God. The last thing I need is for her to decide I’m a perv.

“Gingersnaps are my favorite, though at Christmas she does a peppermint-and-white-chocolate cookie that’s a serious contender.”

“Sounds like you miss your family.”

That was a harmless observation, part of the getting to know you crap that used to come naturally. It had been so long since I cared about anything or anyone but Sam. Tunnel vision kept me going, eyes on the horizon, but sometimes it was so fucking lonely that I went to sleep wrapped around a pillow.

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