I Want It That Way - Aguirre Ann - Страница 60
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Then my dad came out into the living room and sat down beside me. He switched off the TV without asking if I was watching it. “He’s not who I’d have chosen for you, but I want you to be happy, bean. Your mom’s been talking at me for a couple of months, reminding me that I wasn’t her mother’s first choice, either. So...I just want you to know, you have my approval, too, if that matters at all.”
A startled sound escaped me. I leaned over to hug him. “Of course it does.”
He patted me on the back, and I felt the faint tremor that ran through his arm. “If he hurts you, I can still kick his ass.”
“I know.”
“And...your mother says you two can share your old room. Sam can sleep in Rob’s.” He spoke that offer grudgingly.
“I’ll let Ty know. Thanks, Dad.” Standing up, I kissed his forehead, then climbed the stairs to find out where Ty was with tucking Sam in.
They’d just finished the bath, and Ty was drying him off while explaining why fireflies glowed. He was much more scientific about it than I’d have been, but it didn’t appear to diminish Sam’s delight. I beckoned them both into Rob’s room, which still smelled faintly of body spray. Sam didn’t mind; my brother’s sports trophies transfixed him.
“He’s really good at football, huh?”
“Yeah, he was.” It was a little sad, truthfully, because Rob might be one of those guys who peaked in high school and would spend the rest of his life looking back.
“Will he mind if I have his room?” Sam asked.
Ty glanced at me; I shook my head. “He’s got his own place now.”
“Okay, then.” Sam snuggled into the clean sheets, glancing up at us expectantly.
Ty produced Goodnight Moon, and Sam made it almost to the end before falling asleep. Tiptoeing out, I left the hall light on, as my parents had done for us when we were kids. With the door cracked, Sam shouldn’t be scared if he woke up in a strange bed; there would be enough light streaming in for him to figure out where he was. And Mr. O’Beary was beside him, too.
“Am I sleeping on the couch?” Ty asked.
“Nope. You have permission to share with me.”
“Really?”
“Don’t look so surprised. My parents aren’t that old or particularly religious.” Taking his hand, I led him down the hall to my room.
When I shut the door behind us, Ty bent his head and kissed me. Tension seeped out of him, as if he’d expected this visit to be more of a trial. I wrapped my arms around him and ran my fingers down his back. He shivered, gazing down at me with smoky eyes.
“You shouldn’t get me worked up. I’m not having sex. Your parents are right downstairs. It seems—”
“Dirty?” I teased.
“Disrespectful. Don’t laugh.”
“I’m not. Your desire to be decent is adorable.”
We took turns using the bathroom to brush teeth and whatever else. Then he settled beside me in the full-size bed I’d slept in since I was eleven years old. That was a bit startling, like my two worlds had finally converged, but it was a good feeling. Ty settled me against him, and I sighed in pleasure. He made the same noise when I trailed my fingers up and down his back, the way some other girl had done to drive him crazy. But she wasn’t the one who still had a hold on him. Diana might as well be in the bed with us because she was still a shadow at the corner of his mind.
“You have to let go,” I said softly.
“Of you? Never.”
I curved my palm against his cheek. “Of the guilt. You made a mistake by not listening to Diana, yet you can’t regret it because of Sam. But then you look at him and remember how much you hurt her. It’s an endless cycle, and you have to break it.”
He put his face against my shoulder, his mouth moving against my skin, so each word felt like kisses. “I don’t know how.”
“I do.” And then I told him.
The next day, my mom packed a picnic, and we drove to the fairgrounds. It was a gorgeous day, bright and sunny, and we found a great spot near the swimming area. Compared to Lake Michigan, it wasn’t much, just a man-made pond with an artificial beach, but Sam seemed to be having a blast. He wriggled the whole time Ty applied the sunblock, then he was off and running. He zoomed up and down the shore and yelled incomprehensible stuff at us that I pretended to understand.
“He loves it here,” Ty said.
“I’m glad. My parents adore him already, so they’ll definitely want us to come back.” Watching Sam, I remembered what Ty had said about no more kids. “Are you still sold on him being an only?”
He slanted me an inscrutable look. “It’s negotiable.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
My dad sat with Sam, patiently constructing a sand castle. Since he had been building things his whole adult life, he was insanely good at it. Ty and I both fell asleep in the shade, and when I woke up, the structure was so big, so elaborate, that it had a moat and a working drawbridge. People were gathered around, watching my dad show Sam how the pulley worked.
Beside me, Ty stirred and slipped his hand into mine. I squeezed gently. When he tugged, I rolled over to face him. His eyes shone, and his face was tight. Wordless, I traced a fingertip down his chin, silently asking him to talk to me. But it took him a few seconds to find his voice.
“I would’ve robbed Sam of this,” he whispered. “Of having more people to love him. I was so angry at Diana, so sure I could be enough for him, it never occurred to me that he deserved more. We would’ve been so fucking lonely without you, and I never would’ve known. I wouldn’t have noticed when I changed from a tired, grumpy asshole into a bitter old man.”
“That won’t happen,” I said gently. “Sam and I know how to make you laugh.”
“Thank you.” By the fervor of his tone, he meant for more than just those words.
Around three, Lauren and Rob showed up in time for the picnic lunch. My mom had packed fried chicken, potato salad, carrot and celery sticks, orange Jell-O wigglers, which made Sam clap his hands in delight, and Rice Krispies treats. I ate until my stomach hurt. Afterward, I leaned back into Ty’s arms. When the sun dipped below the horizon, the fairgrounds got more crowded and we packed up, then took the picnic supplies to the car.
Keeping only quilts for watching the fireworks, my dad picked a careful path across the gravel, my mom’s hand on his arm. A stranger might think he was supporting her instead of the other way around. Ty wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we settled onto the blanket, and Sam climbed into my lap. I kissed the top of his head, breathing in the scent of warm boy, sunshine and orange Jell-O. His mouth was stained from all of the wigglers he’d eaten, and he chattered excitedly, telling us about his day, as if we hadn’t been there with him. As ever, Ty’s replies were slow and patient.
“Nadia’s dad can build anything,” Sam told him. “He said I can call him Grandpa Ned. Is that okay?”
Ty glanced at me over the top of Sam’s head. I nodded. If my dad had said that, it meant he was already one of the kid’s biggest fans. Apart from Diana, Sam affected pretty much everyone like that. I wondered how she’d feel about my stepping into her shoes, and then I realized it didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if I was taking possession of her life; she’d never been part of this. Not really. Wherever she was, I hoped she was happy.
As it got dark fully, Ty pushed to his feet. Sam started to follow him, but I shook my head, whispering, “Your dad needs to do this on his own.”
“What?”
“Say goodbye.”
Sam tilted his head, puzzled, but he stayed on my lap, tracking Ty’s movements through the crowd. When he came back to our blanket, he had a bottle rocket in his hand, and as I’d suggested the night before, there was a piece of paper taped around it. I didn’t ask to read his final words to Diana; those were for him alone, but I knew there would be the apology he couldn’t speak in person, because she didn’t want to be found, and a wish for her to find joy in her work and peace in the decision to leave everything behind.
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