Back To Back - Cameron Chelsea M. - Страница 47
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I redo drinks with Lo on Friday and it’s nice to have some girl time. I’ve missed her. Just as Sylas needs to spend time with his friends, I need to spend time with mine. I make plans to go out with the group the following Friday night to keep checking off the bars on our list. Lo asks if I’m going to bring Sylas and I ask him, but he says that he already has plans with the guys, which makes me happy.
Saturday I get to reunite with Lizzy and it’s every bit as fun as I thought it would be. I don’t think of anything bad when I’m with her. She’s better than any sort of stimulant.
The visit is going perfectly until one of the nurses knocks on Lizzy’s door and says she has another visitor. I give Sylas a look and he doesn’t seem surprised.
“Who is it?” I ask, but then my question is answered as my father walks in the room.
I want to curse and scream at him to get out, but I won’t curse in front of Lizzy, or make a scene.
“What are you doing here?” I say, trying to keep my voice level. He has his hands behind his back and takes only two steps into the room, still hovering near the doorway.
“Hi!” Lizzy says, waving and then going over to him. I reach out to stop her, but Sylas grabs my shoulder and forces me to stay sitting on her bed.
“Did you plan this?” I hiss at him as Dad and Lizzy start talking. He brings out some flowers from behind his back and she squeals in delight. I can’t help but notice the look on his face as he stares at her. Pain and longing mixed together. He’s never looked at me like that.
“He contacted me. I thought it was time and that it might be good for the two of you to talk.” I’m so angry with him for doing this without asking me.
“You should have said something,” I whisper as Lizzy throws her arms around Dad. I don’t like this. I don’t like it at all.
“We’re going to talk about this,” I say to Sylas before getting to my feet and walking behind Lizzy, putting a protective hand on her shoulder.
“What are you doing here?” I say, keeping my voice pleasant and a sweet smile on my face. Good thing I’ve had enough practice pretending I feel one way when I actually feel something completely different. I slip into my old role like putting on a comfortable pair of boots.
His eyes flick down to my hand on Lizzy’s shoulder. That’s as clear a signal as anything.
“I came for a visit. And to talk to you.” Well I sure as hell don’t want to talk to him. He burned that bridge.
I’d be lying if I said a part of me didn’t want to throw my arms around him and hug him like when I was a little girl. Cry and tell him I love him and that I’ll always be his little girl.
But I’m not going to do that.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” I say slowly, making sure my voice doesn’t tremble.
“Hey, Sister, how about we go and see if we can talk one of the nurses into giving you a popsicle, hm?” Sylas says and Lizzy gets totally distracted by the promise of popsicles. He leads her out of the room, leaving me and alone with my father.
I drop my smile on the floor and want to smash it under my boot.
“What are you doing here? Why the fuck are you here?” I ask. I want to punch him. I want to shove him out of the room, out of this place.
“I came because I don’t want to lose you. You’re my daughter, Saige. I can’t lose you.” Should have thought of that before he decided to choose his work over me.
“It’s too late. It’s already done,” I say, spinning around and going back to sit on Lizzy’s bed. “I want you to go. You don’t deserve to be here.”
He doesn’t deserve to be around Lizzy. He hasn’t earned the right.
“I know I’ve made mistakes, Saige.” His voice breaks and I’m glad to finally hear some emotion from him. He seemed so callous last week. So cold.
“Some mistakes can’t be undone,” I say.
I hear his footsteps and then a hand rests on my shoulder.
“I love you so much, Saige. You’re one of the only things I don’t regret. I can never regret marrying your mother because then I wouldn’t have you.” His words stir anger and pain in me, but I can’t just let it go.
“I can’t do this,” I say. It would be juvenile of me to go into the bathroom and lock the door and wait for him to go away, but I’m really close to doing just that.
“I’ve talked to the rest of Sylas’ team. I told them that if they wanted to work for me, they could. And if they didn’t, I would let them go. They all decided to stay. I’ve given them contracts and now there’s nothing over their heads. I’m going to do the same for Sylas,” he says and I finally turn around.
“Just like that? You’re just going to change your mind? What happened to all of the things you said the other day?” I’m not trusting this. Not until I know why.
There are tears in his eyes and he still looks haggard. I can’t help but be touched at how destroyed he seems. It tugs at my sympathy. Despite everything he’s done, I still love him. I’ll always love him, in some capacity.
“I knew the second I left. The second I closed the door. I’ve spent the past few days thinking and thinking and going over and over everything. I’m not the kind of man who changes his mind, Saige. I’m old and slow to learn.” He chuckles a little, but I don’t find it funny.
“You expect me to believe you had some sort of epiphany and now you’re just going to let go of everything? I don’t believe you,” I say. I can’t figure out what his angle is, other than getting me back into his life and putting himself back in my good graces.
“It’s not easy to admit my daughter is smarter than I am. That she’s right. I’ve made all my decisions without input from someone else. I weighed the good and the bad and acted accordingly. Everything was black and white. It wasn’t easy, but it was clear. I’ve lived my whole life this way and no one has challenged me. Not the people I hire, not my wife, no one. She used to challenge me. Marina.” The way he says her name is like a prayer. Her name is holy coming from his mouth.
“I know my path would have been different if she had lived.” So would my path, as a result. So would Sylas’ and Lizzy’s. So many lives affected by one death. Links in a chain.
“I can’t think about ‘what ifs’. It won’t change the path I’ve taken. But I can change now. Change where I’m going. I’m not going to stop my work. I can’t. I’ve come too far. But I am going to change the way I do things. No more secrets. No more blackmailing and torture and deals made in dark rooms. It doesn’t serve the greater good like I thought it did. You made me see that. You made me examine my life and how far I’ve come. I don’t like the man I am right now, Saige. I don’t like him.”
My father is a good liar, but I know the exact tone of his voice when he’s telling the truth. These words are all true. He’s being honest with me. Maybe more honest than ever.
“How can I believe you? What assurance do I have that you’re not going to go back on this?” He’s silent for a few moments and then he holds his hands out in front of himself.
“Only my assurance. Only my word. I know it’s not worth much, but I love you and I’m making a promise to you, my daughter, and this isn’t the kind of promise I break.” He’s got me there. Every time he promised me something when I was a kid, whether it was that he’d be there for my piano recital, or that if I snuck out he would ground me, he followed through. That’s one of the reasons I always trusted him, believed what he said. Because my father never lied to me.
But Grayson Beaumont isn’t just my father. He’s a lot of other people and those people don’t owe me promises.
“I need to think about it,” I say. He clasps his hands together, almost as if he’s praying.
“That’s fair. I need you to know I’m doing this for you, and I love you. I want things to be like they were between us.” They can never be that way again. He broke my trust and now we have to repair it.
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