Behind Your Back - Cameron Chelsea M. - Страница 55
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“I want to be Slash this time,” Cash says, opening an old argument. He always wants to have a name that’s both ridiculous and very close to his current name.
“Too bad,” Row says as he hands out our new documentation.
This time I’m Robert Perry. It sounds like the name of a boring politician.
“Glenn Buttlicker?” Cash says, reading the name on his new driver’s license. Row snickers and we all start laughing.
“This is not fucking funny,” Cash says, his face getting red. He’s already on edge because he’s packing up his antiques and loading them into a truck that he’s going to personally drive all the way to Cali. He does this every time because he doesn’t trust anyone else to move his precious crap.
“Just kidding. You’re Kenneth Andrews.” We tend to pick names that are simple and easy to forget.
“Boring,” Cash says, tossing away the fake ID and grabbing the other from Row.
“Hey, you can go back to being Mr. Buttlicker if you want.” Row waves the joke ID in front of Cash’s face and he just glares.
I’ve found Lizzy a new place and I’ve got the paperwork to transfer her. All I need to do is pick her up and we’ll drive one of the cars to California with no one the wiser. I called her and told her she was moving and she sounded a little sad, but when I mentioned the new facility has a pool, she just about lost her mind with excitement. I feel bad dragging her away, but I’m doing the best I can, given the circumstances.
Four days before we’re set to email the file to her father, Saige is acting odd.
“You okay?” She’s been clumsy and distracted, which is very unlike her.
“Yeah, fine,” she says in a squeaky voice as she absently pets Leo while doing her homework. Well, pretending to do her homework. She’s been staring off into space for at least the last ten minutes. I’ve been reading and I keep looking up from my book.
“You’re not fine, what’s up?” I set my book down and she turns in her chair to face me. Her face is a little red, which is odd. She doesn’t blush all that much when we’re not in bed.
“I need to tell you something.” I have another moment when the bottom drops out of my world. All I can think is that she’s found out who I am and she’s going to tell my father. That I said way more in my sleep than she originally told me. It takes everything in me to keep my voice even when I speak.
“What’s that?”
She takes a breath, bites her lip and then lets it out.
“I love you.”
Oh.
Oh.
OH.
“That’s not what I was expecting,” I blurt out as her face goes twelve shades of red.
“Well, that’s it. You don’t have to say it back. I just… I wanted you to know. I’ve wanted you to know for a while, but I thought it was maybe too soon since we just started seeing each other.” I get up from the couch and walk over to her. I get down on my knees so our faces are level.
“That wasn’t what I was expecting, but I can’t deny that I’m happy to hear it,” I say. Her face falls a little bit.
“But you’re not ready to say it back. Be honest with me, Quinn.” I hate the way my fake name sounds on her lips. I want her to call me Sylas just once.
I have absolutely no control over the words that come out of my mouth. None.
“I love you, too.”
“You do?” she says, the smile on her face so brilliant it could light up a stadium.
I do?
I look into her eyes for a long, long time, barely breathing. The truth of my statement shines back out at me. If this isn’t love, then I don’t know what is. Somewhere along the line, she crawled her way into my heart and made a home there. I’d be crazy to deny it now.
“I do. I love you, Saige.” She puts her arms around my neck and holds me close. I stand and take her with me, swinging us around her living room. She laughs and holds on tight.
They say if you love something, you’re supposed to set it free. But I’ll be damned if I am going to let her go. There is no fate, because if there was, my father wouldn’t have gotten my mother murdered, I never would have grown up the way I did. There is no fate because if there was, I wouldn’t have to leave this girl that I love.
“I love you, Redhead,” I say into her ear.
“I love you, too. I’m so happy.”
“Me too.”
I decide that we need to celebrate, but instead of going out, we drink champagne naked in her bed.
“I was so scared to tell you. I know you’re gun shy when it comes to your feelings. That’s why I’ve been so crazy the last few days. This has never happened to me before. I always thought love at first sight was crap, but I swear that first time when I saw you at the cafe, I knew.” The first time I saw her, she had a brown wig on with colored contacts. I’ve never asked her about it, because I don’t want her to know that I was watching her. It would probably put a damper on the romantic declaration.
I’m not going to tell her who I am. I’m still going to leave. I’ve chosen my path and there’s no going back. No retracing my steps.
This is not meant to be. My luck has run out.
“What do you say you come with me to my parents’ and we tell them? I kind of like this idea of dropping a bomb on my mother every time I go over. And that will be the day after I get my tattoo finished, so it’s perfect timing.” She grins at me and I smile back, but it’s not easy.
I’ll be gone.
I’ve fallen for this girl and I have to leave her and it’s going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But even if I stayed? It’s still not going to work out. The second she finds out I’m using her to get to her father? It’s over. Her love with burn into hate and she’ll never want to see me again.
Either way, I’m gone. I’d rather leave her like this. Knowing that she still loves me. Maybe that makes me an asshole, but so be it. Eventually she’ll get over me and be with someone else. Someone who hasn’t been lying to her from day one.
“That sounds like a great idea,” I say. It does. But it’s still not going to happen.
Saige and I make love all night. I know that’s what it is now. Sex between us has been this way for a while, but I was too pigheaded to see it. Our bodies are two instruments that play in perfect harmony with one another. She fits me, I fit her. I’ve never had a sexual encounter be so damn perfect.
I hold nothing back. I tell myself each time could be the last time and I need to give her everything because I’m never getting this back. I’ll never meet another woman like her. This is it for me. My one bright blaze of happiness and love in an otherwise grey life.
“I love you,” she says over and over. I get a thrill every time I hear it and I always say it back. I need to get it in as many times as I can. I need her to know that it’s true. That even if everything else I’ve told her about me is a lie, this is the one truth I can give her.
I wonder what her father will tell her about me after I go. If he’ll even mention me. Or if he’ll pretend I never existed. I don’t care about him, only about her.
That night I take her out to dinner, to the first restaurant where we danced. I order the same thing, we sit at the same table and we dance again to “Take Me to Church”.
“Remember the alley?” she says in my ear as we sway to the music. There are people watching, but let them stare.
“How could I forget?” I say, running my hand down her back. She laughs, a rich, lovely sound.
“I couldn’t believe you did it. I was half-teasing you, but then I saw the look in your eye and I wanted you so much I could barely stand.” The feeling was mutual. This time with Saige all feels… unreal. Like a dream. I didn’t think I could experience these emotions about someone.
Leaving her is going to hurt. Oh, it’s going to more than hurt. It’s going to rip me apart. I’ll try to stay together, but it will all be an act. Forcibly, I push those dark thoughts aside and hold onto her. I know my fingers are digging into her skin and I’m probably hurting her.
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