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His nostrils flared and I could have sworn I heard a growl, but he didn’t speak. With that, I was left alone. Paxton turned and went back to our neighbors. The ones who hated me for something I didn’t remember doing. Something bad.

I endured the game, trying like hell to keep it together. I prayed silently for God to give me back my memory, and then prayed that he didn’t. I wasn’t sure I wanted it back. I wasn’t sure I was the person I thought I was, and truth be told. I was afraid I wouldn’t like me anymore, or was it about Paxton. Was I afraid he wouldn’t like me anymore?

The three desperate housewives stuck together. None of them spoke a word to me the entire time. Tricia walked right past me to the bathroom with her head in her phone. Shayla and Candace pretended to be deep in conversation when it was finally over. Tension was high, and everyone felt it. The guys, nodded their heads in greeting, and goodbye on their way to fetch their kids.

Ophelia and Rowan even sensed it. I swear they decided to be the worst kids in the world that day.

Rowan kicked Ophelia. Ophelia called Rowan a dummy. They fought over a stupid pencil Rowan found in her seat. It was pink so therefore it belonged to Ophelia. And this was just from the park to the country club. Twenty minutes maybe.

I rubbed my temples as we pulled into a parking spot. Ophelia wailed an extremely long no.

Paxton took charge that time with a stern, “That’s enough!” I even jumped. “Get out of this car and knock it off. No more fighting for the rest of the day. Do you both understand me? Huh?”

“Yes,” Ophelia replied with a frail, frightened tone.

“Rowan?” he asked with the same tone, matching the anger on his eyebrows.

“Okay,” she replied in her own soft tone.

“Good, now let’s go knock some balls in some holes.” Paxton clicked his tongue and winked, letting them both know that he wasn’t mad. He winked at me, too. My heart fluttered. That feeling I described as glitter, sparkling in my chest. Damn. This was going to hurt.

Paxton was more into golf than he was baseball. I watched from a hard bench below a maple tree, happy for the moment of peace. My head hurt right behind both eyes. A steady thump heard in both my ears.

My mind filled with a trillion and one questions, and I had the answers to none of them. Not one. Unless someone told me. Someone like Lane. He would know. I looked up to Paxton, standing behind Rowan and to my phone. Did I have his number?

The curve in my back straightened and my hand slid into my purse. I looked to see where Paxton’s attention was, and swiped my phone. Sure enough. Lane was half way down in my contacts. Nothing in my call history and no messages. Of course that didn’t really surprise me. Paxton picked my phone up on a daily basis to snoop. I didn’t talk to anyone but him. Therefore, I didn’t really care. He could look all he wanted. The only text messages he’d find on my phone were from him.

Both thumbs moved quickly across the screen.

Gabriella—WTF? Tell me what’s going on.

I deleted the message right away and waited, and waited, and waited. Lane never answered, and my one and only chance dwindled away with my hope.

Paxton asked about my drama at the baseball field several times throughout the rest of the day. I told him over and over that it was nothing. Me being insecure. He didn’t buy it any more than I bought bacon.

I made a light supper later on in the evening, and we ate in the outside kitchen by the pool. A chicken salad with grilled vegetables. Mine and Rowan’s minus the grilled chicken. She’d recently decided that she didn’t want to eat meat either. Except hotdogs, and pepperoni.

“Can we get in the pool now, Daddy,” Rowan asked half way through our meal.

Paxton answered with a point to her plate. “No, you’ve hardly touched that. Eat first.”

“I’m almost done,” Ophelia said while her hand shoveled potatoes and squash inside her mouth. “I’m getting in before you.”

I clinked my fork twice off my plate to get her attention. “Phi, stop that. Slow down, or you’re not getting in the pool either. ”

“Huh-uh, Daddy said I could. Right, Daddy?” she said with sad eyes right to her left. Paxton melted, letting Ophelia wrap the string right around his finger.

My eyes dove sharply right to her. “Are you being serious right now, girlfriend? You can’t do that. How would you feel if I told Rowan that she was more important than you? That’s what you’re doing when you do that. Do you want me to feel less important than Daddy?”

“Whoa, Gabriella. That’s a little too deep for a four year old,” Paxton said, expression putting me in my place.

“She’s almost five. She understands, don’t you, Phi.”

“You’re important, Mommy.”

“See, she understood every word,” I told Paxton mater of factly. “Thank you baby, eat the cucumbers, too.”

“I don’t like them.”

I was okay with that. She got me. She knew exactly what she just did, and I put Paxton in his place for once. That’ll teach him. As proud as that made me, I couldn’t really take the blame for it. I just spewed it out like word vomit. No control. What was one more nail in my coffin? I was dead already.

I was denied the request to go for a walk when the girls went in for showers. That was my other lost hope. I wouldn’t know whether Lane would be at the beach or not. I wasn’t allowed to find out. Instead I cleaned the kitchen, and mopped the floors for the third time that week. I swallowed my pride and did it. That was my life until it wasn’t. Until everything came out. Until the truth. Whatever that was.

Chapter Seventeen

There was no way of telling what Paxton had in store for me. The text message told me to shower and lay in my bed until he got there. I did shower, I just didn’t lay in my bed yet. The thing is, I wanted him to come. I wanted him to cause whatever pain he could to soak up the thoughts. I didn’t want to be alone with them.

Rather than thinking about anything that confused me even more, I thought about two little girls and a crazy mom. I could see us running on the beach in a distance. We were all flying kites, high above the sea. If only I could go back to that time. The time before my mom fell, before Rod and Dink, before they took Izzy from me, before Ms. Porter, and Falcon, before Markus Long, and—. Wait. Markus Long?

“You never listen anymore. Head injury’s make you stupid.”

I didn’t respond to Paxton’s comment. Not the stupid part, anyway. “Are they asleep?”

“Don’t worry about it. I can take care of these girls just fine without you. Tell me what was said at the ballgame today.”

“I told you it was nothing.”

“Yes, yes you did. Lay down, slut.”

I rolled my eyes and noticeably shook my head. I wasn’t afraid of Paxton Pierce. Not even a little. Maybe I was at one time, maybe I should have been, but I wasn’t, and I wasn’t going to pretend to be. Maybe enduring his wrath would stop all the thoughts. My obedience to lie on my bed was even defiant. I didn’t gracefully sit, and lay down. I plopped. Straight back. Like I was falling from five stories. From a fire escape. My eyes remained closed and the room stilled. I knew if I opened my eyes, Paxton would be wearing a puzzled expression.

My eyes remained closed while I listened to the cabinet being unlocked and then rustling by the head of my bed.

“Scoot up. Lay in your bed right, and don’t talk. Not one word unless I tell you to. Got it, slut?”

“Yup.”

“I said no talking.”

“Then stop asking me questions.”

“Shut the fuck up, Gabriella.”

With my eyes still closed, I zipped my lips and threw the key behind my head. I did want to open my eyes when I heard the hum. Instead I smirked with a puff of air. A vibrator. That’s what he was going to torture me with? Okay. Let’s go. My body moved where Paxton wanted it to move. I may have even laughed a little when I felt my wrists being tied above my head.

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