Outback bride - Hart Jessica - Страница 34
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‘Of course you don’t!’ She could hear Mal striding savagely around the room. ‘You don’t know about anything useful and you haven’t made any attempt to learn. All you’ve done is push bits of paper around and make a fool out of me!’
Stung out of her guilt and misery, Copper looked up at last. ‘That’s not true!’
‘Isn’t it?’ Mal’s mouth twisted with distaste. ‘God, you’d think I’d have learnt my lesson about unsuitable women, wouldn’t you? Lisa was just as useless as you, but even she didn’t behave as irresponsibly. She might not have spent much time with Megan, but at least she never exposed her to the kind of danger you did today!’
‘Why do you keep marrying unsuitable women, then?’ Copper leapt to her feet and flung the torn shirt aside, too hurt and bitter to keep still any longer. ‘Have you ever thought that when things go wrong it might be something to do with you? No, of course you haven’t!’ She answered her own question.
‘You’ll never find a woman who satisfies you, Mal, because you think marriage is something that can be organised by some stupid contract. You accuse me of being obsessed with business, but you’re the one who looks at everything in terms of a deal. You always think about what you’re going to get out of a marriage and never about what you’re going to share. You never give anything of yourself, do you?’ She was shaking as she swept on, green eyes blazing with the injustice of his remarks. ‘I used to think that it was because you’d been hurt by Lisa, but now I think it’s because you’ve got nothing to give-and even if you had, it wouldn’t be worth having!’
Mal took a sharp step towards her, and for a moment she thought he was actually going to hit her, but then he had turned on his heel and was at the door. At the last moment he glanced back at Copper with eyes like ice and a voice that dripped with contempt. ‘The reason I don’t give anything to you, Copper, is that there’s nothing I want from you in return.’ And he went out, pulling the door behind him with a final, terrible click.
‘Copper, you look awful!’ Georgia exclaimed in concern when she saw Copper the next morning. Her face was pinched with exhaustion and the green eyes were blank with misery.
‘I’m all right.’ Copper managed a wavering smile in spite of the fact that there was an agonising pounding behind her eyes and her heart felt as if it was gripped by talons of ice.
She had spent the night curled in a foetal position on the bed, staring numbly at the wall and too despairing even to cry while Mal’s words jeered and echoed remorselessly in her brain. Useless. Irresponsible. Worse than Lisa. She hadn’t seen him since he had walked out of the room, but she didn’t need to. She knew now exactly what he thought of her, and her belief that they would be able to resolve all their differences in bed seemed hopelessly naive.
Mal would never forgive her for endangering Megan, and the more Copper thought about it the more she thought he was right. She was useless here at Birraminda. She didn’t belong and she never would. Mal needed a wife like Georgia, who was everything Copper wasn’t. The realisation turned Copper’s heart to stone, but she knew what she had to do.
She tried to ignore the other girl’s worried look. ‘How’s Megan?’
‘She seems fine apart from her ankle,’ said Georgia. ‘Children are pretty resilient, but we thought she ought to spend the day in bed, anyway, in case there were any after effects from that bump on the head.’
Copper flinched at that ‘we’. She knew that it was unintentional, but Georgia’s calm good sense only seemed to reinforce her own uselessness. ‘I’ll go and see her,’ she said dully.
Megan was propped up against a pile of pillows, looking more bored than ill, but her face brightened when she saw Copper, and she was anxious to show off her bandaged foot. ‘I’ve got a sprained ankle,’ she said proudly, and then, barely pausing for breath, ‘Can you read me a story?’
‘Not today, sweetheart.’ Copper sat down on the edge of the bed, her throat so tight that it was painful to swallow. ‘I’ve got to go to Adelaide.’
‘Can I come?’ said Megan eagerly.
She shook her head. ‘You’ve got to stay and look after Dad.’
‘When are you coming back?’
Copper hesitated. She had been going to tell Megan that she would only be away a week or so, but wasn’t that more cruel than telling her the truth? ‘I-I’m not coming back, Megan.’ It was one of the hardest things she had ever had to say.
Megan stared at her, blue eyes huge as understanding dawned painfully through her confusion. ‘You can’t go.’
Copper had dreaded this moment, but the look in the child’s eyes was worse than anything she could have imagined. ‘Dad said you’d stay.’ Her voice rose to a wail and then broke as she began to cry.
‘Oh, Megan
‘ Copper pulled the sobbing child into her arms and rocked her, her own tears pouring down her face and into the soft curls buried into her throat. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered, knowing that for a little girl like Megan being sorry was not enough. ‘But Georgia’s here to look after you now, and you like her, don’t you?’
‘I don’t want Georgia,’ wept Megan. ‘I want you! You said you’d stay for ever!’
‘Megan, I-‘ She broke off, her voice suspended in tears. ‘I don’t want to go.’ She tried again. ‘I wish I could stay with you for always.’
‘Then why are you going?’
How could she explain to a child of four? ‘Megan, you love Dad, don’t you?’ The dark head nodded mutely and Copper struggled to go on. ‘So do I, but he doesn’t love me.’
‘He does! He does!’
Copper tried to close her ears to the anguish in the child’s voice. ‘Sometimes, when you love someone, you want them to be happy even if it makes you unhappy, and that’s what it’s like for me. I think Dad would be happier if I went away.’
‘No!’ sobbed Megan. ‘He wants you to stay!’
Copper held her tightly, kissing the dark curls. ‘I don’t belong here, Megan,’ she said brokenly through her tears. ‘But I want you to know that I love you very much. I always will.’ She swallowed painfully. ‘You’ll be a good girl for Dad, won’t you?’
Megan didn’t answer, only clung to her in desperation as Copper tried to lay her back down in the bed, and in the end Copper had to sit there, crooning softly, until she was so worn out by crying that she fell asleep.
Gently Copper covered Megan with a sheet and smoothed the curls away from the flushed, tearstained little face. She stood looking down at her for a long time while her heart splintered inside her, and then she walked quietly away and closed the door behind her.
‘You can’t go!’ Georgia was aghast when Copper told her she was leaving. ‘You’re in no state to drive anywhere.’
‘I have to.’ Copper’s face felt numb and she was moving stiffly, like an old woman.
Georgia was obviously distressed. ‘Copper, I know you and Mal had an argument last night,’ she said awkwardly. ‘I saw him come out of your room, and he looked as if the world had just ended. But it was such an awful day, and you were both upset. I’m sure if you could just talk about it you’d be able to work everything out.’
‘Mal and I have done enough talking,’ said Copper. She felt very weary, although it wasn’t yet nine o’clock. ‘I don’t belong here, Georgia. I can’t ride a horse or fix a car or strap up an ankle, and after yesterday it’s obvious that I’m not even any good at looking after Megan.’
‘None of those things matter,’ said Georgia urgently. ‘The only thing that matters is that you and Mal love each other. Please stay and talk to him tonight!’
‘I can’t.’ Copper’s face was ravaged by tears. She couldn’t stand to see the disgust in Mal’s eyes again. ‘I just can’t!’
‘But what will I tell Mal when he asks why you’ve gone?’
Copper picked up her case. She had torn her copy of the contract into two and left the pieces on her pillow. ‘You won’t need to tell him anything. He’ll know why I’ve gone.’
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