Until Fountain Bridge - Young Samantha - Страница 14
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teased me. He kissed me again, hard, and I felt his erection slide down…
I spread my thighs wider and smoothed my hands down his muscular back to push his
jeans further down. I grasped his buttocks and pulled him to me. “Adam, please,” I begged.
“Adam…”
He froze. Instantly. His name on my lips bringing him out of the magical sexual fog.
Our eyes met as he pulled his head up, his body hovering over mine, his muscles
trembling with tension. While I imagined my expression was one of confusion, Adam’s was
one of horror.
It was a look that made me want to crawl inside of myself.
It hurt like nothing I’d ever experienced before.
He scrambled off of me, pulling his boxers and jeans up and then tossing my skirt at me to
cover me somewhat. “Ellie, we can’t.” He shook his head and practically jumped off the
couch, grabbing his T-shirt and yanking it back on.
I was feeling a mixture of things—confusion, hurt, sexual frustration—and so I was slow
in sitting up.
“For fuck’s sake, Ellie, get dressed,” Adam snapped harshly and it took everything within
me not to flinch… not to cry.
As I pulled on my clothes with trembling hands Adam exhaled. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry, I
didn’t mean to…” his voice was heavy with regret.
I didn’t say anything, I just straightened my clothes and reached for my Uggs, trying to
hold myself together. I couldn’t fall apart in front of him. I just couldn’t.
“Ellie?”
Finally I looked at him as I stood. He looked as heartbroken as I felt. It was a small kind of
consolation.
“Ellie, your Braden’s wee sister. I can’t… we can’t…” he gestured helplessly to the couch
before running a hand through his hair.
And that’s when I realized something absolutely tragic. While I thought what was
happening was something borne out of affection, attraction and, yes, love, to Adam what had
almost happened was something borne out of lust. He didn’t want to make love to me. He
wanted to screw me.
Pain lodged itself in my throat and I knew I was five seconds from bursting into big, fat,
hopeless tears. I spun away from him and rounded the couch, my long hair covering my face
as I grabbed at my jacket, heading to the door.
“Ellie,” Adam called out in panic but I was already yanking his front door open. “Ellie.
Fuck!” I heard him curse as I slammed the door shut behind me and bolted down the
stairwell, knowing the lift might not arrive in time for me to make my quick escape.
The tears were pouring down my cheeks as I raced down the stairs, trying to hold in the
gusty sobs that were ready to blow.
“Ellie, please!” Adam was suddenly in the stairwell, his footsteps pounding hard behind
me.
I ran faster, ignoring his shouts for me to come back and talk to him.
By the time he made it out of the building I was already racing across the street toward a
bus that was about to pull off. I got on it and the doors closed behind me. I sagged in relief
and glanced absentmindedly at the route number.
I didn’t care where it was going as long as it took me far, far away from the biggest
mistake I’d ever made.
***
There had been a few times in my teen years I’d cried myself to sleep. A couple of those
times had even been over Adam. But when I was a teenager, like most teenagers, anything
remotely negative seemed like the complete and total end of the world. Thankfully that flair
for the drama usually disappears as you enter adulthood. It did for me anyway. So when I say
I sobbed myself to sleep that night, it was without a sense of faux melodrama. The pain inside
of me was real. It was genuine. It was raw.
For a good eight hours I believed that not only had I been given 100% proof positive that
Adam Sutherland didn’t love me the way that I loved him, I also believed that I’d ruined us
and destroyed one of my favorite things in the whole world —my friendship with him.
I barely slept and woke up early to make myself tea, sitting in my big flat alone and puffy-faced wearing mismatched socks on my feet and a broken crocodile clip in my hair.
A pounding on the front door made me jump and sent hot tea over the rim of my mug and
splashing onto my skin. I bit back a curse and placed the mug carefully on the table,
scurrying out of the room and into the darkened hall.
“Ellie, open up!” Adam shouted through the thick wood. “Ellie!”
I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to somehow fix things and rewind the clock, but I knew
if I let him inside the flat he’d take one look at my face and realize that I, Ellie Nichols
Carmichael, was completely and utterly in love with him and that last night had devastated
me.
So I didn’t open the door. I leaned against the wall in my hallway and slid down until I
was sitting on the cold hardwood floor. I listened as Adam pounded my door and called my
name. I listened as my phone rang in my bedroom. I listened as Adam left a message on it. I
listened as he walked away…
When I woke up I was curled up on the cold floor. I blinked, trying to get my bearings and
as I did, everything came flooding back. I didn’t have time to dwell on it, however, because I
realized what had woken me up was my phone ringing. I got to my feet with a groan, my
back and neck hurting from my awkward sleeping position, and I ran into my room to pick it
up. According to the clock on my phone I’d been asleep for just over two hours.
My stomach flipped at the sight of the picture of Adam on my phone. I sucked in a deep
breath and answered it.
“Ellie, thank fuck,” he breathed in relief and I could just imagine him tugging at his hair in
anxiety. “I came by earlier.”
“I was sleeping. I had more wine last night so I was kind of dead to the world,” I lied.
“Els, I don’t even know where to start. I’m so sorry. God, I’m so sorry.”
“Adam—”
“I can’t lose you, Els. I can’t believe I fucked up like this but you have to forgive me. I
can’t lose you.”
When he said stuff like that it made it hard to hate him. Worse it made it harder to get over
him. But I knew from now on that I really needed to try. And not just say that I was going to
try. I had to try. I couldn’t live my life pining after him. So I made my decision to do just that.
“Adam, it’s okay,” I promised him softly. “It was a mistake. We got carried away in the
moment. And I’m sorry for running out on you. I was just embarrassed, that’s all.”
I heard his heartfelt sigh of relief and attempted to force the sting of tears out of my nose.
“Els, you’ve nothing to be embarrassed about, okay.”
“Okay.”
“So…” his voice grew even quieter. “We’re good. We’re still us?”
“We’re still us,” I managed, blinking back tears.
“I don’t want there to be any awkwardness between us.”
“There won’t be. I won’t let there be if you won’t.”
“Good, Sweetheart. Good. We’ll just forget this. It didn’t mean anything.”
I choked back the pain. “Right. It didn’t mean anything.”
Chapter 6
“It’s like a car crash,” Adam sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face as he handed me back the
diary. “It’s painful reading this from your perspective but I can’t look away.” He pointed to
another diary. “I want to know more.”
Not liking the strain etched into his features I shook my head. “Adam, we’re past all this. I
didn’t mean for this to be painful. I just thought… well now that I have you I can take a step
back and look at the pieces of our history without it hurting. And you know me.” I shrugged.
“The angst of it all seems romantic.” Then I frowned. “But you’re obviously not taking it that
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