Down London Road - Young Samantha - Страница 37
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I shook my head at him and pushed against his shoulders, trying to fight back the tears. ‘We can’t do this. What are we doing?’
The muscle in Cam’s jaw twitched and he abruptly released me, only to grab me by the upper arms, his expression raw with some unnamed emotion. ‘I’m ending it with Becca. Tonight.’
Tonight? Now? The blood rushed in my ears as panic set in and I realized what he really meant …
‘I know. It’s shit, I know. But I can’t go on like this. I’m not the guy who cheats on his girlfriend. And I can’t continue to be the guy who fucks his girlfriend wishing all the time she was someone else.’
Elation and fear washed over me in equal measure. ‘Cam, I …’
‘You want this. I know you do.’ He pressed his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes, breathing him in. ‘Will you leave Malcolm?’
My muscles locked and I knew Cam felt it, because his grip on my arms tightened.
‘Johanna?’
The truth was, I didn’t know the answer to that question. Walking away from Malcolm wasn’t just about me. It was about me and Cole and our future.
‘You’re telling me you’re going to stay with that guy?’ Cam asked harshly, shaking me a little. ‘You’re going to go through the rest of your life standing at his side at parties, laughing that stupid bloody fake giggle, with your eyes contradicting your mouth every time it opens.’ He pulled back and I almost flinched at the distaste in his eyes. ‘That girl you were out there is not Jo. I don’t know who that is, but she’s an arse who pisses me off. She’s fake, she’s simpering, and she’s a fucking bimbo. She’s not you.’
We were silent, our breathing uneven and loud as we worked to calm the tension between us. Hurt by his words, and yet in agreement with them, I found my mind whirling as I tried to weigh my options, the consequences, what was right and what was wrong.
I took too long to answer.
Cam let go of me and I shivered, feeling instantly cold. I wanted to die at the look he gave me.
Without another word, he reached past me to unlock the door and I found myself unceremoniously moved aside as he wrenched it open and disappeared into the party.
Tears clogged my throat, but I refused to let them travel to my eyes, my hands clenching at my sides. I could handle this without the waterworks. I knew I could.
Moving on shaking legs, I slumped against the sink to stare at my reflection and then gasped in horror. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes bright, and my skirt was still rucked up a little from where Cam had slipped his hand between my legs. I gasped again, remembering his fingers in me, and I gripped the sink so tight that my knuckles turned white. My nipples were peaked against my shirt and the colour was still high on my cheeks.
I had to get myself under control or everyone would know what I’d been up to.
I gave myself ten minutes and as I returned to Malcolm’s side, I saw Cam out of the corner of my eye shoving his way through the crowds of people towards the exit. The front door slammed loudly not too long after.
‘You okay?’ Malcolm’s voice pulled my head around.
‘He’s a bastard!’ Becca could suddenly be heard over the hum of music and voices. Malcolm and I twisted around to find her. She was in the corner, being comforted by her friends.
‘Do you think he dumped her?’ Malcolm asked in my ear. ‘While you were in the bathroom they were arguing.’
Ashamed that I knew the answer all too well, I couldn’t look at him. ‘Looks like it.’
‘You okay?’ he repeated.
‘I’m not feeling this party.’ I shrugged.
‘Yeah, and it looks like Becca is about to kick off.’ Malcolm sighed. ‘Would it be awful if we snuck out?’
I threw him a weak smile. ‘It would be great.’
He held my jacket and I shrugged into it. Two seconds later I let him pull me out of the flat. Without a word we walked down Leamington Terrace to the main road on Bruntsfield Place and waited for a taxi to approach with its light on. When we had no luck, Malcolm took out his phone. ‘I’ll just call us one. We’ll go back to my place for a while, yeah?’
I thought about heading back to his place with him, of him leading me up to his room like he always did, undressing me slowly and pushing me back on the bed …
It left me cold.
It made me feel sick with guilt.
Like I was cheating …
Malcolm had just put the phone to his ear when I found myself blurting out, ‘Stop.’
Taken aback, Malcolm immediately lowered his phone and switched it off. His eyes washed over my face and whatever he saw there made his lips pinch tight together. He took a moment and then he asked, ‘What’s going on?’
My practicality had taken a run and jumped off the nearest cliff. My emotions were fully in charge as I replied, ‘I can’t go back to your place.’
And then he surprised the hell out of me. ‘Because of Cam.’
After working so hard to control them earlier, I felt those blasted tears hit my eyes. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Malcolm heaved a sigh and I saw pain flicker in his gaze as it searched my face. ‘I really care about you, Jo.’
‘I care about you, too.’
‘I see the way he looks at you. The way you look at him. I knew there was something …’
‘I’m sorry.’
He shook his head, holding a hand up to stop me. ‘Don’t.’
‘I feel awful.’
‘I can see that.’
‘I never slept with him.’
His jaw clenched and then relaxed enough for him to reply, ‘I know. You’re not that kind of girl.’
Fingers quaking, I pushed up the sleeve on my jacket and unfastened the Omega watch he’d given me for Christmas. When he made no move to take it, I lifted his hand and placed the gift in the palm of it, curling his fingers around it. ‘Thank you for everything, Malcolm.’
When he looked up from the watch, a piercing ache emanated from my chest at the dejection I saw in his face. ‘He’s just a kid who doesn’t know what the hell kind of gift he’s getting in you, and when he’s done, when he makes the mistake of throwing you away, I hope you’ll come back to me.’ He stepped towards me and I froze as he dipped his head to press a sweet kiss against my cold lips. ‘We could be really happy.’
I didn’t take a breath until he put some distance between us. He threw up a hand and I turned to see he was flagging down a taxi. It did a U-turn and pulled up at the kerb. Malcolm opened the door for me. ‘I’ll be here when he’s done with you.’
I left him standing on the street, as the taxi took me back to London Road.
I’d broken up with Malcolm.
Oh, my God.
I felt heavyhearted. I felt remorseful. I was worried I wasn’t doing the right thing. However, overriding all of that was this desperation to find Cam, to tell him I did feel what he felt. For the first time in as long as I could remember I was going after what I really wanted. Perhaps tomorrow I would lament the decision, but tonight I just wanted a taste of something really good and pure for once.
I almost threw the fare at the taxi driver, then rushed into the building, my boots slapping carelessly against the concrete as I hurried up the stairs. I was just rounding the stairwell to Cam’s landing when I heard a door open. As I reached the top of the stairs, he came into view, standing barefoot in his doorway, waiting for me.
Overwhelmed that just the sight of him made my chest so full of emotion that it hurt, I stumbled a little towards him, my boots just clipping the doorstep.
Cam didn’t say anything. Every inch of him was solid with tension as he looked at me.
‘Cam –’
My words were swallowed by motion as his hand clamped around my wrist, wrenching me hard against his body, his mouth slamming down on mine. I instantly wrapped myself around him, and my fingers curled in the hair at the back of his neck as I licked and sucked and flicked my tongue against his, our kiss so deep I didn’t even realize I was inside his flat until the door crashed shut behind us.
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