Arsen: a broken love story - Asher Mia - Страница 60
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She’s wearing one of my old t-shirts. Hmm…I wonder if that’s all she is wearing. Sweet. Her blonde hair is down and framing her face, but her eyes look puffy and red as if she had been crying. I want to ask her what made her cry, what has brought that sad look in her eyes again, but I touch her instead. When we are together, that sad and lost look leaves her eyes.
I remember the first time I met her. As we shook hands and I gazed into the deep green depths of her eyes, I could see her damn soul through them, and it was broken, calling for me. Dimples, though beautiful on the outside, was hiding something shattered, something hard, something that I very much wanted to fix. I also got the feeling, one I can’t seem to shake to this day, that she would change everything as I knew it.
I want her to be free of whatever still haunts her.
I want to be the temple that she seeks solace in.
I want to be her damn savior.
I want to help her heal.
“Tell me about Jessica,” Catherine asks, touching the tattoo on my chest.
At first I don’t answer, allowing myself to just enjoy the burning sensation her fingers leave behind as they trace the outline of the butterfly.
“Arsen?”
I take her small hand in mine, bringing it to my lips, and placing a kiss in her palm. How can mere words adequately describe how guilty I still feel over Jessica’s death?
Clearing my throat, I decide to be as honest with Catherine as possible. I can’t look at her perfect eyes and tell her that I killed someone, so instead I focus on our intertwined fingers lying against my chest.
“She died. She died because of me.”
“Arsen, look at me. What do you mean?”
“I killed her. I was drunk…we were drunk…she was driving.” Pausing for a moment, I take a deep breath before continuing, “I shouldn’t have let her drive, but I was just as fucked up as she was. We were supposed to sleep over, but we got high and decided to take a drive in her new Ferrari. I walked away with only two broken ribs, but she died.”
“Oh, Arsen. I’m so sorry…”
We are silent for a while before she speaks again.
“D-did you love her?”
“Yes. I thought she was the moon to my starless night.”
“Oh.”
“How old were you? I mean, how long ago was this?” she asks hesitantly.
“I was twenty, and she was eighteen.”
I shut my eyes tightly. Fuck. Even after all this time it still hurts.
“I’m so sorry, Arsen. “
“Yeah, me too,” I pause, “The women, the drugs, the alcohol…they all helped me to forget and numb the pain. But eventually you have to deal with your demons because you’re never truly free until you’ve faced them. And I have.”
“Do you…do you still love her?”
“I do. I think some part of me will always love her. Yes, we were young when we met, but she was my first love.”
“You have to stop blaming yourself for her death, Arsen. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know it wasn’t my fault, but I could’ve prevented it. I still blame myself…I just don’t let the guilt eat me alive anymore. I don’t let it destroy me. I know Jessica wouldn’t want that.”
“Why don’t you try to meet someone else? Fall in love again?” she asks, staring directly into my eyes.
Putting Jessica back in the recesses of my heart, where she’ll always be, I watch Catherine for a very long time. I take in the feverish color covering her cheeks, her stormy green eyes, and the way she seems to light up the whole room, my whole world.
“You know, I didn’t think I could fall in love again but—”
“Why are you wasting your time with me? This...this…” Without finishing her sentence, she stares at me as if I were a fortune teller, but it’s her question and the pain I see reflected in her beautiful face that take me by surprise.
“What’s the matter, Dimples?” Needing to feel the warmth of her skin against mine, I raise a hand to trace her cheek, the curve of her cheekbone, her lips.
“How can something so wrong feel this right? Like it was meant to be?” she asks throatily.
“Maybe we were meant to be together…”
But were we? Or did we force our hand?
Catherine is silent as she gazes at me with so much fucking feeling that it makes my shitty heart sing. It’s at times like this, when she’s stripped of makeup, her lips swollen from my kisses and her hair is lying on my pillow, that I can’t help but be glad that I pursued her, that I didn’t give a damn that she was married, that I took advantage of the situation like the son of a bitch that I am.
I need her.
“Why do you want me? I’m so screwed up. And to top it all off, I’m a cheater, and a liar,” she asks.
“I want you. Simple as that. No explanations are needed. No whys, no hows, I just do. You are perfect to me, Catherine. Completely. Make no mistake about that. And if you are a cheater, what the fuck does that make me?”
“But, what about Ben? This isn’t fair to him. He doesn’t deserve this.”
“I don’t know. Let me ask you something. Would you be able to walk away from this, from us, right now—without once looking back?” I ask.
“I don’t know…”
Questions left unanswered, Catherine closes her eyes and pushes herself against me.
“Kiss me, Arsen. Make me forget,” she whispers softly against my mouth.
I keep my eyes open at first, watching how her lips part to welcome my kiss, only closing them when I taste her sweetness on my tongue. Kissing Catherine is fucking perfect.
Slowly, breaking the kiss momentarily, I take her t-shirt off and unhook her bra, then pull her closer to me until I can feel her breasts against my bare chest. Growing hard, one of my hands goes to the small of her back pushing her against me and hold her closer. I want her to feel how much I want her, how much I need her. It’s never close enough. She owns me. And I’d like to think that I own her too, even if it’s for a couple of hours each day.
I’ll take whatever I can get.
With our hands wrapped around our hair, we kiss for a long time. Both of us naked, Catherine lies down on her back and opens her legs invitingly for me. Christ, how the fuck do you say no to that?
I settle between her legs, but I don’t thrust into her right away. No, I like to have fun and get her moaning first. Kissing her temple, then her nose, eyelids, the pretty beauty mark next to her mouth, I make my way down to her collarbone. When I reach her breasts, I let my tongue play with her nipples, sucking them gently and biting them hard until I can hear her moan.
By the time I reach her belly, my fingers have been stroking her clit to prepare her for me. Sitting back on my knees without breaking eye contact, I bring my soaked fingers into my mouth and lick them clean. With her taste in my mouth, I smile when I see her blush like that. Catherine is so damn beautiful, and she has no idea of the power she holds over me. I lean down and run my tongue along her clit before she has a chance to move. So sweet, I breathe in her scent as if it were the last bout of air my lungs would inhale in this life.
“Put your legs over my shoulders,” I order, breathing between her thighs and watching her body tremble.
Never breaking eye contact, she rests her calves and heels on my back. She’s so damn perfect. I lower my mouth one more time and let myself go fucking wild on her pussy.
When I feel her gripping my hair, I look up and watch her as she tosses her head back into the pillow, thrusting her hips against my mouth again and again as I lick, slide, and suck.
“Fuck, Arsen! I’m…I’m...” she gasps.
I grip her ass with my hands and push her harder against my mouth. The essence of her drives me fucking insane because there’s nothing as sweet as the taste of your woman on your tongue.
In this moment, she is mine.
I put two fingers inside her and stroke her fast and hard until she comes undone, screaming my name into the room. I grin because I love making her come with my name of her lips.
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