Of Beast and Beauty - Jay Stacey - Страница 65
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afraid I buried every memory of my life before I heard it, in an attempt to
keep myself from remembering what I had been asked to do. But I’m not
afraid anymore.
I am finished with my fearful heart. I am ready. I am brave.
Are you certain? Needle mouths.
“Yes. But I want you to go first,” I say, refusing to meet her sad eyes.
I look at the pile of bricks in the corner instead. Needle has been
gathering them—one by one, two by two—for the past month. As soon as
Bo left this afternoon—lips pressed into a thin line after all his pleading
won him nothing but a pat on the shoulder and a walk to the door—she
began pulling the bricks from their hiding places.
Tonight is the night. Tonight I will build my own walls.
First, a barrier to cover up the entrance to the tower, then a wall in
front of my bedroom door, and finally another behind. It should be enough
to hold the soldiers until tomorrow morning. And maybe even a bit longer.
It will be enough.
The city is on the brink.
Suddenly, this very morning, Yuan went from ailing to falling to
pieces. The walls began to crumble. Above our heads, the dome groans like
a field animal that’s swallowed something foul. Needle says only the nobles
still believe the city can be saved. The people from the Banished camp, the
farmers and their remaining livestock, and all but a few of the commoners
from the city center are fleeing into the desert, bound for Port South.
I hope they make it there safely. I don’t wish them any pain, but the
cost of saving Yuan is too great. The Dark Heart will not feed from this city
again.
I’ve failed to end the curse and heal our planet—either Gem is dead
or he never loved me the way I love him; I suppose I’ll never know
which—but I won’t fail in this. I’ll take one city away from the darkness.
Yuan will fall, and there will be only two cities left. And maybe someday, in
one of those cities, a girl or a boy will look out into the desert and see
someone who makes him or her want to change the world.
I close my eyes and see Gem’s face as clearly as ever. Nearly three
months, and I can still remember the way his eyes reflected the candlelight,
the warmth of his skin, the feel of his lips.
Bo didn’t mar that memory. He has been a better unwanted king
than I could have imagined—he has never stolen so much as a kiss. He has
refused to take what wasn’t freely offered.
Not a kiss, and certainly not my life.
I knew he’d been sent to kill me today. I knew it before he said a
word, before he fell to his knees, begging me to save the city and spare at
least one woman’s life. He warned me that his father would come tonight
with his own knife. Bo can’t protect me any longer. This evening, Junjie will
arrive at the tower to slit my throat, and Bo will marry another. The woman
has already been chosen, a woman older than Bo with two children she’ll
leave motherless, the oldest a five-year-old girl who will become next in
line for sacrifice if Bo never marries again. The woman’s wedding dress is
sewn and her mind made up. She will say her vows with a blade in her
hand, and willingly give her blood to the roses as soon as she is made the
queen.
Bo was so genuinely troubled by it all. It made me glad the covenant
is hidden in my room and will remain there until the city falls.
When I first learned the truth, I wanted nothing more than to throw
it in Bo’s face, to make it clear his blood would serve the roses as well as
mine. But in the end, I had to keep the ancient king’s secret. If Bo knew he
could feed the roses, he might pick up the knife and do so, and I can’t have
that. I need the Dark Heart to starve. I need the city to fall. Soon. Tonight, if
I’m lucky.
“You have to go.” I turn back to Needle, who has yet to budge. “You
have to tell the people of Port South how to end the curse.”
Her bird hands flit from my shoulder to my cheeks, but her kindness
offers no comfort.
There was a fire in the desert again last night, Needle mouths.
My stomach flutters. “It’s probably some of our people,” I say.
“Camping by the dome, waiting to see if the city will be restored.”
It could be him, she mouths. Let me go and see.
Him. Gem. Even thinking his name makes my heart do strange things
in my chest.
“It’s too late,” I whisper. “If he loved me, he would have come
sooner.”
Needle’s fingers move beneath my hand. Maybe he was prevented
from returning.
“How?” I ask.
Maybe he was hurt or grew ill. Maybe his people did the same thing
to him that yours have done to you.
“I don’t think the Monstrous have towers or walls made of stone.”
Needle scowls. Don’t make jokes. Junjie will kill you.
“Only if he can get through my walls before the city crumbles.”
Then the city will kill you.
“The city was always going to kill me,” I say. “At least this way I will
take Yuan with me.”
But what if Gem—
“Leave,” I snap, unable to bear thinking of Gem right now. “I have to
get started. Even the fast-setting mortar will need an hour to gain strength.
I must have the first wall built before sunset. You’re wasting my time.”
Needle’s lip trembles and her eyes shine with unshed tears, and I
immediately feel terrible. Poor, tired Needle, my dear friend.
“Please, love,” I say, taking her sweet face in my hands. “You have
been my mother and my sister and my slave and my keeper for too long.
Take your bag and go. Go to Port South and live. Find people you can trust
and tell them the truth. There can still be a future for this planet. All hope is
not lost.”
Except for me.
It doesn’t matter if it’s Gem who’s been lighting those fires by the
stones these past two nights. It’s too late. Even if I let myself believe in
Needle’s excuses for his long absence, there’s no way I can join him in the
desert. If I set foot outside the tower, I’m a dead woman. The soldiers have
been ordered to kill me on sight. Bo warned me of as much this afternoon.
Junjie is determined that I will die before sunset and has enlisted every
remaining citizen of Yuan to his cause.
Save one.
“You’ve been so good to me,” I say. “I want you to live and be
happy.”
I would rather stay, Needle signs, but I’ll do as you ask. She picks up
the pack we’ve filled with food and clothes and all of my jewels. No need
for them to be buried along with me, not when they could help Needle get
settled in her new home. I’m not sure how the people of Port South treat
their damaged people, but I know a rich mute woman has a better chance
than a penniless one.
I will miss you, my friend, she mouths, refuting my claim that she’s
been a slave or a keeper, with the same firm grace with which she’s always
handled me.
What would I have done without her?
“Good-bye,” I whisper, eyes filling as I stand and hug her tightly. After
a moment, she moves out of my arms and down the stairs without a pause
in her step, without looking back.
I tell myself I’m glad. And then I cry the tears I’ve refused to cry all
day, but only for a minute. There isn’t time to waste. When my brief cry is
over, I wipe my nose on my less-than-fresh overalls and get to work. It
doesn’t take long to lay the first row of stones. The quick-drying mortar is
already mixed and ready. By the time my tears have dried on my cheeks, I
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